i went over to hollie's house tonight. she had a party. i lasted about half an hour before i decided to head home. i felt comfortable being at her house and all...it was just that i didn't know some of the people, mainly all the guys. i felt intimidated until on the drive home when i realized that i'm a senior now, and probably all of those guys were younger than me. sure, they had no clue who i was, but why should i have to give a shit about what they think of me when they're only 15 and 16 years old? i used to be so shy when i went to parties with hollie, but now i realize that i need to just grow up and meet people. i need to loosen up, and have some fun. it wasn't so bad over there...it's never so bad being surrounded by people who are just good friends looking for a good time. i need to stop being so uptight. i need to not get uncomfortable when drinking or smoking is happening around me. it doesn't mean that i need to do it, i just mean that i should not care what other people do. just let loose. talk to people. i'm at the top of the "food chain" as far as high schooling goes...sure i want to think i'm more mature than everyone, and only hang out with my exclusive friends, but these are supposed to be the best days of my life, right? i can't force myself to mature more quickly. i just need to realize where i stand and stay grounded. *sigh* i must go now though, the boy has arrived. have i mentioned lately that i love him? i really do.