i slept in today as best as i could. 9:30. not too shabby. i watched serendipity two times in a row. the second time i tried to nap, but it didn't happen. anyhow, i went to boy's house. watched television. was flirty and happy. good times.

jessica and i went to the movies, and we saw how to deal. twas good. we saw amber and danielle there. yay! [hi amber, i love you].

we proceeded to wendy's to buy frosty's, to blockbuster to stare at this adorably cute car, to wal-mart to buy CDs [i bought incubus, "science"], and then we went over to tiny's house. it was kind of boring. we watched south park on the television. it was a funny one so i was happy. i came home at twelve.

tomorrow is the beach with jess + whatever boys are going. night is being spent with my sexy half-mexican lover. we're renting movies. he's so fucking hot. seriously.

mm,...not much has been really going on in my head lately. i've just been dull, i guess. i ate apple turnover yogurt. it was so good. i love yogurt, i could eat it all day. that and bottled water. orgasmic, definitely.

i need to decide on my future. on the way home tonight, we saw a sign that said "welcome home art [last name] from iraq."

i went to school with art. he was a senior when i was a freshman. we took sign language together. he was nice. one of those sort of people who you just really admire, you know. it got me thinking though, about how old i am becoming. i know there are people considerably older who read this and probably think i am silly, but it's a big adjustment to go from 17 to 18. i have exactly five months left. i need to decide what i'm going to do with my life. where i'm going to college. what career path i will choose to follow.

i need to make my family proud. my older "brother" was/is a loser and i'm not afraid to say it. he didn't achieve anything. he was never here for me, he never cared about anything at all. all of my cousins on my dad's side just graduated high school, fucked around for a couple years, and then had babies. all of my cousins on my mom's side are younger than me, so i have to set the right example. they're all extremely intelligent and well-rounded though, and so i can't become a nothing and have my baby cousins pass me up. not cool.

i need to be successful, i need a reason to wake up in the morning. i need a reason to love myself and realize my worth. i can't just depend on love for the rest of my life. love is so unsteady at times.

i need motives.