so i woke up this morning in a highly confused state; i was at quite an oddity of mind. i awakened feeling again that it was the past december, or january even, and that my whole life had been rewinding in a gargantuan VCR [or rather, a DVD player].

i still have not correctly snapped into place, and i feel as though i won't, until i know that what happened was real. i awakened feeling as though my night had been a dream, had it been a dream? my mind is left to conclude final thoughts and instead goes skipping on into reverse. my life from here on out will go into a mind-boggling state of whack-ness, and will forever be confused, for i thought i had found closure. i thought you had found closure. this is obviously not the case.

what is one to wonder when one is rang at one in the morning? and what is one to wonder after not being able to sleep for an hour on end? and what is one to wonder when she is awakened by an alarm at six in the morning, reminding her that she is still only a child, and must STILL participate in high school?

one will never know.

but what one does know, is that one honestly does not remember the conversation at all. one is not even sure if it was REAL, for it felt so imaginary, as if an angel [or ghost, perhaps] had stepped into one's body and transformed one into what one has ultimately been trying to avoid.

this woman inside of my brain certainly appreciates the generosity though, and it feels well deserved to her after having tried to be friendly for quite some time. it must be true that all men need their time, and a woman must only sit back and wait until a man is ready.

shall i wait for you to contact me again? one will never know...

[and PS, i'll be in austin on sunday.]