i keep forgetting i have this damn thing. now it's time to be honest.

i hope that by writing these things down, that i can lock them up in here and never have to face them again. i can forget and move on, and when i read this back to myself in months, they will just be faded memories that i have gotten over.

i spent a week and a half in europe in the beginning of september and i had non-consensual sex with my mother's work friend's son. i was drunk and so was he and i have not touched alcohol since. this was in germany. i have been violated, disrespected, and i just have so many other bad feelings associated with this. i have only told my closest friends and sometimes i feel bad for keeping such an important thing from my mother. i am so afraid to say that i was raped, because i probably could've stopped the situation, but there is no doubt that i was violated in ways that are completely irreversible.

i have moved into my new apartment in denton, texas. i live with three of my best friends, that is working out okay, but i think i really want to live by myself in a not so college atmosphere. i want to grow up and move on and stop acting like i'm in eigth fucking grade.

i am in my sophomore year at UNT and i am kicking a lot of ass in my grades and i KNOW that people don't give me enough credit for that. i work my ass off, more than anyone will ever know, and they just say "congratulations" because it has always been expected of me to succeed. it's such a vicious cycle.

i have a boyfriend and we have been dating for two and a half weeks and i am insanely in love with him, but way too afraid to tell him.

i am going home this weekend to see my family for the first time in a month, and i simply cannot wait. my dad bought a new house and the next time i'm home [for thanksgiving], he'll be moved in. i'm fucking immune to moving.