i really really hate livejournal. i can't talk about anything in it. that's why i come here.

first of all, i can't stand to read ariel's posts anymore. i don't want to turn bitch and un-friend her. and i don't want to confront her either. but if she talks down about zack one more time, i swear i will slit her throat. and if she mentions anything else about how much she hates all of us, same thing. slit throat. she thinks she is the most intelligent person on the planet. i HATE self-righteous people. ugh.

also, apparently ray thinks we're not friends anymore because i don't comment on his journal anymore...take a second and think about how PETTY that is! good god. and he thinks being with zack is making me neglect everyone...what the fuck ever. tell me please, the last time you invited me to go do something. i think i recall inviting you and kt to lunch last friday...but you declining. and i recall inviting you to our halloween party...and ya'll declining because "it's a school night"...what the fuck? or kt and i were supposed to watch the stros play together and i called her...no answer. so YOU tell ME who is neglecting who. it's not like we were ever best friends anyway. so fucking get over it.

so i think i may quit lj. at least for a while. i know i'm definitely not posting my feelings in it anymore.

other than that, i'm pretty content. mom came to see me this weekend, thank god. i love her so much.

i'm really happy with zack. mostly.

i told him i loved him and he said it back. except, he's not sure if he's IN love with me. so i told him neither of us will say the l word ever again until he decides to tell me and mean it. this was about a week ago.

i don't think he'll ever tell me.

love is patient, love is kind, etc etc. i know. but i really know he loves me. i think he's just afraid.

but i do know he has been in love before...and it was with andria. a girl he still talks to, is friends with, still really cares about, etc. a girl whose picture is on his dresser with a note on the back about how great he is.

i don't think he is over her. and i think that's preventing him from having serious feelings for me. and that hurts me so much. but i haven't told him that. i want to be good to him and not cause any trouble.

happy halloween.